Everyone knows that you can't joke with the sea. But the sailor is never short of jokes and laughter. Maybe because humor loves unsolvable situations, difficult conditions, dilemmas. In world literature, the Irish and the Black Sea people have a special place because they are both sailors and naturally humorous. They always lead the way in humor about the sea. Here are some great examples.
A magician performing on a luxury cruise ship is in trouble with the parrot on board. The parrot watches the magician's every trick carefully and says something that everyone can hear that gives him away. "He put it in his jacket pocket!" or "the rabbit is in the hat!" The magician is annoyed with the parrot, but he can't do anything about it. One day the ship hits a giant iceberg and goes to the bottom of the sea. After much struggle, the magician manages to get on one of the rescue boats, but the parrot is on the same boat. Seeing the magician, the parrot stares at him with hostile eyes for a few minutes. Then he breaks his silence: Okay, I could not find it, what did you do with the ship?
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A young man from the team that lost the Oxford-Cambridge rowing race was comforted by his mother with these words: "Don't worry dear, you rowed faster than all of them!"
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A dialog on the deck of the ship:
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What does crossing the Atlantic Ocean by boat give you?
You will be on the opposite shore.
What does crossing the Atlantic Ocean on the Titanic get you?
You'll be halfway there.
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Temel and Dursun go fishing. Suddenly a hole opens on one side of the boat and water starts to enter. Temel acts immediately and makes another hole next to the first one.
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Don't worry, the water will come out through this hole!
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I don't care, the hole is not on my side!
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When one of the crew drops out of the race at the last minute due to an excuse, the crew's experienced chief mate asks an acquaintance who has never been to sea to take his place. Shortly after the race starts, the captain calls out to the inexperienced sailor in a hurry:
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The captain, who is very sensitive about logbooks and attaches great importance to recording everything that happens, realizes one evening that the first officer has returned drunk from the market leave and writes in the logbook "The first officer came on board drunk!". The first officer was angry and said, "Well, I have to write what the truth is!" Another day, the first officer is assigned to keep the logbook. When the captain returns from the market, the first officer writes in the logbook: "The captain came on board sober!" When the captain reacts to this, he says: "Well, I have to write what the truth is!"
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A dialog on the boat:
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A single member of an exclusive yacht club complains to the club secretary: "The rule that you have to be married to bring your spouse to special events is ridiculous. For example, I have a girlfriend, but I had to come alone." The secretary replies: "I think it's fine, isn't yours the wife of one of the members?"
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A conversation between a swimming instructor and a student who is afraid to dive from a five-meter platform:
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Well, let's say you are on a sinking ship and you are five meters above the sea. What would you do then?
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I would wait the ship to sink another four meters!
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Temel and Dursun are enjoying a boat when they are suddenly capsized by a wave. Temel recovers himself and swims quickly to the shore. When he reaches the shore, he immediately returns to the sea. When someone asks him what he is trying to do, he answers as follows: I am going to save Dursun, I had to save myself first!
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One of the tour boats on the Mississippi River passes through an area of troublesome currents and is badly shaken, frightening everyone on board. Fortunately, the ship is out of danger and continues on its way. Trying to recover from the shock of the incident, one of the elderly passengers asks one of the sailors:
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Has anyone ever fallen overboard and gotten lost?
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No, sir, we found them all the next day at the latest.
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Temel became the captain of a passenger ship. In the middle of a terrible storm, the ship's engine broke down, Temel told the passengers that there was nothing to worry about. Within 15 minutes the engine caught fire and a fire broke out, Temel told the passengers that there was nothing to worry about. Not an hour later, the engine exploded, flames engulfed the ship, Temel told the passengers that there was nothing to worry about. Soon the ship turned on its side and started to sink, Temel told the passengers, "Now you can jump into the water."
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A young sailor was chatting with an old pirate in a bar.
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What's the story with your wooden leg?
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We got caught in a big storm, I fell overboard. Just as the crew was about to pull me out, a shark grabbed my leg.
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Oh, wow! And the hook in your right hand?
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I got into a fight in a bar, ten men grabbed me and cut my hand.
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Oh, wow! What about the reason for the eye patch?
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Oh, one seagull shit in my eye.
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Did you lose your eye to seagull shit?
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That was the first day I got the hook.
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Going below for dinner, the captain temporarily leaves the steering of the ship to the steward. "Don't worry, you see that star, just go towards it!" Some time passes, the inexperienced steward somehow steers the ship off course and loses sight of the star the captain was talking about. Without even realizing the problem, he calls down below: Captain, can you tell me another star? I passed the other one!
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A warship of the Royal Navy is sailing near Hong Kong. Suddenly a very strong light appears ahead, on a collision course. The captain reaches for the radio and calls out:
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Set your course ten degrees east!
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Change yours to ten degrees west!
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I'm a navy captain, change course immediately, sir!
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I'm a second-class sailor, change course immediately, sir!
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I'm a warship, sailor! I'm not changing course!
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I'm at the Hong Kong lighthouse. It's your call, sir!
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Every morning when the first officer went into the captain's room to give a status report, he noticed that the captain would open a drawer, take out a piece of paper, glance at it, put it back in the drawer and lock it. Although this intrigued him, he never told anyone. One day the captain, who was getting old, passed away. Among the things he left behind was the key that opened the drawer containing the paper. Finally, the first officer, overcome by curiosity, opened the drawer, took out the paper and saw the following sentence written on it: LEFT PORT, RIGHT STARBOARD.